Resilient: After All This Years

My desktop is broken. My long-term partner in crime, finally lay to rest. Though it is not technically mine (my wife bought it from her freelance work), she is well loved and used. I think the time has really come for her to say goodbye. She earned a lot of respect and in monetary aspects as well.

My computer is a quad core MSI machine. Well she is really an old model but hey, it was a good run. A lot of mock ups was produced and a thousand lines of codes are already been delivered. A lot of pictures was processed, filtered and altered.Designs that became inspiration, blog posts to be monitored and replied. Words had pressed, links that been clicked and videos that been streamed.The desktop that has been a witness to every logs and cached that have been stored.

So, where am I blogging anyway? To our new unit, an ASUS laptop. i5 core and a whole lot better than the died soldier. We need a better unit anyway. I will just keep this post simple and short for a moment of silence on my desktop.

All I Need Is Just A New System To Work On

Recently I felt like I am excited with Web Design again. It is my first love, what can I say? I am not really sure where this is all coming from, but ever since I got used to the work I have on my previous team, and I am really wanted a change, I getting hooked again with User Experience. I love my team before, I guess the excitement in the new team escalates when the understanding meets with expectations.

The position is close to the previous team but different offering. It is a whole new system that connects all system that wants to connect any other system. It is an integration team that monitors that comes in or out in other systems.

Why it is so special? It works not just an OOP kind of environment but an MVC kind of environment. This system. it’s functionality, user interface it all brings me to where I began in this industry 9 years ago. So I am pretty much excited with the new technology I am in now, love the team, they are not strangers to me. I just got to move on and shake all of my worries behind. I know I can grow with this new team.

Tiring Week: Urgh!

This week is so tiring at work. Though the workload is normal, the issues are becoming more than serious, it is grave. Not giving bad vibes here, it is like the technology is slowly becoming unreliable. The support that you should be getting were not attended, most of the time.

It will be impossible that after this what is next? Like what I said last month I have issues of settling. I will be a big lie if I did not admit that part of me that is trying to explode. I know I can do more, all I wanted is to be better every day. I can’t be everybody, I wanted to be someone, someone that is reliable and efficient.

Solving is where I found my joy. The joy that I solved a big issue it would give me that satisfaction that I did something great today. I want to do it every day. 3 hours of tiring travel, 2 hours of travel back and 8 hours of work, work that give you the feeling of a cheated person. I cheat myself every day, since I do not really work at all. Yeah I update the logs I resolve a couple of those issues, but who am I kidding? The numbers will not fall out of the sky I need to earn it, but am I satisfied? It seems to be a larger part of it should be my goals in life. Not someone else’s goals made for you.

There is no debate, if I say this to my leads, we cannot agree on this? They really don’t care about you, they care about the company, which is understandable. They should be the part of the company that sides with the company, what department anyway sides for the employee? Even the HR do not really sides to the employees, they still side on the house rules, ordinance and policies, still for the benefit of the company.

When I think everything is settled yet, it’s not. Work really becomes tiring, when there is something inside is not aligned with theirs. There is something that you think you needed to do or you wanted to do but there is no venue for it. Then you found ways to where you have lost yourself along the way. It is really sad that sometimes the hand that feeds you, is the one that put you in chains. Put you in kennels and has a long, long, chains that in the end you still just by the gate and still never been free, never been with yourself. They have taken a lot and still want more until you have nothing. I still want to work, but the work that would give me happiness and self worth.