Tiring Week: Urgh!

This week is so tiring at work. Though the workload is normal, the issues are becoming more than serious, it is grave. Not giving bad vibes here, it is like the technology is slowly becoming unreliable. The support that you should be getting were not attended, most of the time.

It will be impossible that after this what is next? Like what I said last month I have issues of settling. I will be a big lie if I did not admit that part of me that is trying to explode. I know I can do more, all I wanted is to be better every day. I can’t be everybody, I wanted to be someone, someone that is reliable and efficient.

Solving is where I found my joy. The joy that I solved a big issue it would give me that satisfaction that I did something great today. I want to do it every day. 3 hours of tiring travel, 2 hours of travel back and 8 hours of work, work that give you the feeling of a cheated person. I cheat myself every day, since I do not really work at all. Yeah I update the logs I resolve a couple of those issues, but who am I kidding? The numbers will not fall out of the sky I need to earn it, but am I satisfied? It seems to be a larger part of it should be my goals in life. Not someone else’s goals made for you.

There is no debate, if I say this to my leads, we cannot agree on this? They really don’t care about you, they care about the company, which is understandable. They should be the part of the company that sides with the company, what department anyway sides for the employee? Even the HR do not really sides to the employees, they still side on the house rules, ordinance and policies, still for the benefit of the company.

When I think everything is settled yet, it’s not. Work really becomes tiring, when there is something inside is not aligned with theirs. There is something that you think you needed to do or you wanted to do but there is no venue for it. Then you found ways to where you have lost yourself along the way. It is really sad that sometimes the hand that feeds you, is the one that put you in chains. Put you in kennels and has a long, long, chains that in the end you still just by the gate and still never been free, never been with yourself. They have taken a lot and still want more until you have nothing. I still want to work, but the work that would give me happiness and self worth.

3AM Thoughts: So Many Things to Learn, So Little Time

First of all, I really find it hard to settle. I usually look for new things to learn, yet there are circumstances that are inevitable. A lot time are taken up travelling to work. Yet if you don’t go to work, you lose your job. Though you have a lot of options beside your current job or going to work, the options cannot give you the current salary you have or higher, need to “earn” it. So we go to work. You are in a very controlled environment, so there are a lot of logs going on, filtering and blocking. The work you are into is yet satisfying but taken a lot of your time.

Weekends be like, with your family. But this is the only time you can explore further your capabilities. Especially if you are in the industry that is fast paced and evolving every minute.

You are not required to have this knowledge in a lifetime, yet you can’t settle. Taking yourself in the highest high you can get, yet before you know it, you splat back to where you came from.

There is indeed a lot to learn, yet so little time. A lot of things to explore, then reality takes you back. Reality itself is not the enemy but the time. Like in the famous lines of a popular series, “the climb is all there is.”  Time is not in your side when you reach 30’s, this is the time you need to settle, you need something to focus on and reach, deal with it. Time is not your friend anymore, but will it hold you from reaching what you wanted to do? Do it, just do it. Do it in any way possible. Knowledge is always there, ready for the taking. “Only the ladder is real… “. Climb it, climb it as high as you can. Climb it like you never climb before. Or somebody else’s will.

Life is a never ending learning. Never ending climbing, walking, climb again and occasionally running. Sometimes life can be a large ocean, you need to learn to swim. Life that we have now is how we define it. We define our own lives. Learn how to deal with it, that sometimes you are in a dry land, you will brought to a very wide body of water. Adapting is also one of the things you need to learn, adapting is survival and survival is sometimes really sucks. It sucks sometimes that you don’t know whose you are breathing right now. Maybe it’s your boss’ air that you breathe and then became toxic.

Life could be sometimes a bridge. Crossing it and you find yourself in another bridge. Life could be a loop. Could be anything. Could be your dog, your wife, children, brother or mother. Defining what is life sometimes could be answered when you are dying or in your 70’s or your 80’s if you are that lucky. Sometimes you learn a lot when you are approaching on your end days. Still learning on my 70’s not a problem.

Learning, it is a game changer. It would depends on how will you use it, how will you take it? How will you spend it? Learning life and life learning are all relative to time. You work on what you love and the rest is secondary.

A Sudden Rush to The Head

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It’s really quite some time that I logged my last post. I never been to such on the web side these past few years. I have been busy working on with the family life and the work that I have been doing since 2013.

I moved from a web developer to an ABAP programmer. ABAP is a native programming language in SAP. We do mostly support work to the existing HR system we have.

It just struck me to write something. What I have done this past 2 years?

It just felt I was left behind with the technologies in the web. Though the system we maintain is a web app most of its backbone code are done in SAP. Though still in the cloud computing industry, the adrenaline rush of having a web application from scratch is such a liberating experience. On the other hand, solving problem as a support, would give thrills as well.

I still wanted to do developer work, I just need to find time on my very busy schedule at home on how to squeeze those activities, and there goes the alibis. My last post here was something about Symfony, that did not quite blossom in the early stages. Before I got to insert another alibi for myself, I would rather create a few pledges that I need to work on this coming year.

I am thinking of being conscious of my health. My lower body is really a pain in the eyes and a pain in my system, it would really hurt my back a lot. So I need to reduce on the tummy part. I need to cut that giant bulge, I missed my feet already.

Designing, I need to have a concern to the industry that I became my bread and butter. If I can mentor in the office, sure I can inspire others. Besides from joining some discussions on the user groups on facebook, well, I need to inspire others by creating something awesome.

I need to finish something that I started doing. I just need to finish the task, it doesn’t matter if I got paid, I just need to finish, I need to deliver what is supposed to be delivered and document it!

These are just some things I need to prepare myself from. Hopefully I will not be distracted, just focus and put the game face on.